Thursday, November 05, 2009


When I look back (not that I have too many years to look back to), I see many things that have changed over time. In particular, I tend to think of my high-school days, when I was kind of an over-achiever. I had certain habits that helped me do that and I sometimes like to think what they were and inculcate them back.

So one thing that I had at that time was belief. Of course, I was young enough and naïve enough at that time to have it. I believed that I was special and that I was here to do something special. What exactly, I had no idea. But I had this nagging feeling all the time that life was going in the right direction. That I was doing what I was meant to do. And that I was meant to do something.

This belief stemmed from my belief in a greater meaning to life. I believed that there is some consciousness out there which created a plan that we were all playing out our roles in it. Somehow it felt good to know that everything was just as it was supposed to be.

As I grew up, I lost that faith. First the faith that there is a supreme being. Also the faith that I’m meant to do something special. I became the ordinary. And life became a lot less fun to live. These days I find it really hard to get excited about anything. Even if I do, I wonder what meaning does it have. Isn’t that sad? Wasn’t it better to be deluded but happy?

I wonder why people say delusions are never good.


  1. :)

    This one rings a bell.

    Cynicism crept in and took away a lot more than I suspected, long before I noticed.

  2. Hey! You still read my blog?! You seem to have disappeared completely!

    Yeah, I should have expected you to understand this one. :)