Whenever I have to ask someone out, I need courage. That is, of course, natural. However, it is not the fear of rejection that stops me. (As popular sitcoms would have you believe.) It is the fear of being judged. I think I still vacillate between two mutually contradictory value systems. One in which asking a girl out is 'improper' and 'wrong'. And the other in which it's something that's done by everyone.
An afterthought: I think it's also because culturally I haven't been trained to ask girls out. There is a cultural break in my upbringing. There was a time when romancing openly was wrong. And a time when it became okay. (Only, of course, within certain peer groups.) There is cultural discontinuity there.
Thus I don't know how to ask a girl out. I didn't grow up with the notion. Unlike, say, the idea that people get married. If someone is getting married, it hardly raises an eyebrow. But if someone is going out, much giggling and eye rolling ensues.
An afterthought: I think it's also because culturally I haven't been trained to ask girls out. There is a cultural break in my upbringing. There was a time when romancing openly was wrong. And a time when it became okay. (Only, of course, within certain peer groups.) There is cultural discontinuity there.
Thus I don't know how to ask a girl out. I didn't grow up with the notion. Unlike, say, the idea that people get married. If someone is getting married, it hardly raises an eyebrow. But if someone is going out, much giggling and eye rolling ensues.
7 comments:
exactly my thoughts! It is not that I am not able to talk properly to girls or shy of girls or fear of rejection as you say. I feel as though I am belittling myself in front of the girl by asking her out. It is as if the playing field is not level anymore.
May be more of an upbringing/cultural issue as you say.
Certainly cultural background plays an important role in the beginning, but after some time it just becomes an alibi. I come from an very encouraging culture for dating and guys are still shy to approach to girls directly and it is very difficult to do so. If you pass the phase that you're not afraid, the biggest issue becomes the ego and fear of rejection.
http://ankitrohatgi.blogspot.com/2009/12/asking-someone-out.html
Interesting post, though after you get to a certain age you find it easier to take risks! Well, maybe...! I have found IM to be a great help when I would otherwise have been apprehensive or shy in real life situations.
@Payal: I'm good with IM. But it's supposed to be a loser thing to do. (I don't know why.)
And I wish I get to that age soon. :P
@Vinod: When you get your girl/guy, the last thing you feel like is a loser. Believe me ;-)
@Payal: True, true. Mile to sahi! :P
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